Monday, March 1, 2010

Embracing Fate

I feel so relieved that I actually managed to sleep last night but I still haven't lost my feelings of lethargy. I 've almost been catatonic over the last while and I don't really know why. Normally I'm such a motivated person, always on the go, planning my next move but lately everything has just seemed impossible and insurmountable to me. I'm now terrified I might be becoming an agoraphobe on top of everything else. Just my luck!

I think it might all have something to do with the fact that I really feel like I've been losing control over the last while. When I started this I was around 105/106 llbs and now I'm up to around 113ish. That is sooooooo not good for me but I'd decided that I'd let myself gain because of work. I have a seriously stressful and pressurised career which requires a lot of energy and commitment so I can't really afford to find myself feeling weak or lightheaded in the office. Plus it's really really hard to avoid food in work because people are always noticing and commenting if I don't eat (there are only so many excuses you can make).
Screw it though, if eating like that is going to make me feel that way again it's not worth it! What's the point in eating if it only makes you feel suicidal as a result? new resolve is to go back to restricting at a level I feel comfortable with and make sure that I take all my supplements religiously to ensure that I'm getting the right nutrition. 106 and beyond here I come again, woohoo!!! I reckon it shouldn't take me too long (maybe around 2 weeks or so) but will keep you posted on progress....

I feel slightly better already! Hope you guys are all doing ok too??! Cx

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