I feel so relieved that I actually managed to sleep last night but I still haven't lost my feelings of lethargy. I 've almost been catatonic over the last while and I don't really know why. Normally I'm such a motivated person, always on the go, planning my next move but lately everything has just seemed impossible and insurmountable to me. I'm now terrified I might be becoming an agoraphobe on top of everything else. Just my luck!
I think it might all have something to do with the fact that I really feel like I've been losing control over the last while. When I started this I was around 105/106 llbs and now I'm up to around 113ish. That is sooooooo not good for me but I'd decided that I'd let myself gain because of work. I have a seriously stressful and pressurised career which requires a lot of energy and commitment so I can't really afford to find myself feeling weak or lightheaded in the office. Plus it's really really hard to avoid food in work because people are always noticing and commenting if I don't eat (there are only so many excuses you can make).
Screw it though, if eating like that is going to make me feel that way again it's not worth it! What's the point in eating if it only makes you feel suicidal as a result?
So.....my new resolve is to go back to restricting at a level I feel comfortable with and make sure that I take all my supplements religiously to ensure that I'm getting the right nutrition. 106 and beyond here I come again, woohoo!!! I reckon it shouldn't take me too long (maybe around 2 weeks or so) but will keep you posted on progress....
I feel slightly better already! Hope you guys are all doing ok too??! Cx
In my struggle to understand myself and, hopefully, find some level of self-acceptance, I've started this blog to explore my life, my feelings and motivations and perhaps help others to do the same. Feel free to comment as you see fit, C x.
About Me
- Cinderella
- I'm 25 and have had an ED for as long as I can remember. I'm a complete perfectionist, definitely my own worst critic and my self-esteem is infinitely crappy! Height: 5'3'' Current Weight: 113 lbs; Highest Weight: 123 llbs; Lowest Weight: 106 llbs; Desired Weight: 100 llbs;
Followers
1) Drink a glass of water every hour. It boosts your metabolism and makes you feel full;
2) Drink ice-cold water, your body burns more calories raising the temperature of the water and it's great for your complexion;
3) Drink green tea, it boosts your metabolism and the anti-oxidants are also great for your skin;
4) Alternate every mouthful of food with a mouthful of water, it makes you feel fuller quicker and you will eat less;
5) Drink boullion/stock cubes. They only have 7 cals, taste great and fill you up;
6) Take vitamins every day but not on an empty stomach as they need food to be assimilated i.e. fat soluble vitamins need at least a little fat for absorption;
7) Spicy foods raise your metabolism;
8) Use smaller plates/utensils, you will feel like you've eaten more;
9) Only eat from dark coloured plates/bowls;
10) If you feel tempted to eat when you shouldn't, count to 100 first, you should lose the urge;
11) Keep active, you are less likely to be pre-occupied with thoughts of food/eating;
12) Try to get at least 6 hours of sleep a night, otherwise your metabolism can be lowered by up to 15%;
13) Spend time doing things you love to do; you are more likely to feel fulfilled and will spend less time obsessing about food and weight;
14) Pamper yourself, take a bath, give yourself a facial, give yourself a manicure/pedicure, anything to make you feel good about yourself;
15) Spend at least 20 minutes a day meditating and visualising;
16) Take up yoga (even just buy a yoga book and do the exercises in your bedroom);
17) Keep good posture, sitting up straight can burn up to 10% more calories;
18) Instead of buying food, buy something nice like candles, some new clothes or make-up. There's no point in buying food and then beating yourself up so much after you've eaten it that you end up feeling even worse.
2) Drink ice-cold water, your body burns more calories raising the temperature of the water and it's great for your complexion;
3) Drink green tea, it boosts your metabolism and the anti-oxidants are also great for your skin;
4) Alternate every mouthful of food with a mouthful of water, it makes you feel fuller quicker and you will eat less;
5) Drink boullion/stock cubes. They only have 7 cals, taste great and fill you up;
6) Take vitamins every day but not on an empty stomach as they need food to be assimilated i.e. fat soluble vitamins need at least a little fat for absorption;
7) Spicy foods raise your metabolism;
8) Use smaller plates/utensils, you will feel like you've eaten more;
9) Only eat from dark coloured plates/bowls;
10) If you feel tempted to eat when you shouldn't, count to 100 first, you should lose the urge;
11) Keep active, you are less likely to be pre-occupied with thoughts of food/eating;
12) Try to get at least 6 hours of sleep a night, otherwise your metabolism can be lowered by up to 15%;
13) Spend time doing things you love to do; you are more likely to feel fulfilled and will spend less time obsessing about food and weight;
14) Pamper yourself, take a bath, give yourself a facial, give yourself a manicure/pedicure, anything to make you feel good about yourself;
15) Spend at least 20 minutes a day meditating and visualising;
16) Take up yoga (even just buy a yoga book and do the exercises in your bedroom);
17) Keep good posture, sitting up straight can burn up to 10% more calories;
18) Instead of buying food, buy something nice like candles, some new clothes or make-up. There's no point in buying food and then beating yourself up so much after you've eaten it that you end up feeling even worse.
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