Monday, October 19, 2009

Hitting Rock Bottom

Well after my most difficult year of all the Gods decided to smile on me and give me another fantastically wonderful turn of events! Sorry, I'm in a terribly sarcastic mood at the moment -the last few days just been a total nightmare but I guess I should just get on with it and appreciate what I do have.
There's no point in me even bothering to rant about all that went wrong, suffice to say that, as if my life isn't crappy enough, the fates have decided to just to compound it all by putting me into as tight a financial squeeze as possible! I don't know how I'm going to work it all out but I guess I'm just destined to be perpetually broke!
Anyway, as a result of everything that's been happening, my morale is pretty rock-bottom at the moment and now I'm terrified that I'll go and binge and make myself feel even worse again....I need to stop this!

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Taking the Plunge

Right well here goes nothing. This is my inaugural post and, now that I've set up my blog, I'm not even too sure what I want to say anymore. I decided to do this out of a sense of sheer desperation and frustration this weekend. The past few years of my life have been extremely difficult and it all reached a crescendo in the past year.
The combination of my life experiences and background have led to an innate need to achieve perfection; which, given the natural imperfection of human nature, is quite obviously completely unattainable. Thus, I often find myself in a constant state of turmoil, beating myself about something I said, how I look, how I act, what I eat, what I do, what I don't get the picture.

I guess it's all about control really. Because I haven't been able to control the circumstances of my life around me, I have turned to trying to control the things within me in an effort to make my life more tolerable. Often this seems to have the complete opposite effect though and then I just seem to end up feeling worse than before.

Anyway, I suppose it was inevtitable really but probably the main area of my life that I now try to control is my body. I've had an extremely unhealthy relationship with food for a long time now and I have to say that, at this stage, I'm completely exhausted by it. Now I'm beginning to wonder whether I should stop fighting it and accept it.....hence the reason for this blog.

Anyway, I could go on forever but I'll be back soon and explain all a bit further, C x