Before I go any further with this I'd like to make it clear that anything I do or say here is not for the purpose of teaching or helping anyone to develop an eating disorder or any sort of an unhealthy relationship with food. If you have a 'normal' relationship with food, let me tell you that you are incredibly lucky -do not mess with it. Your mental health is extremely fragile -if you can accept and are comfortable within yourself -embrace your good fortune because there are others out there, like me, who are incapable of accepting ourselves for who we are, we don't feel good enough, we don't feel worthy enough, we need to improve ourselves, we need to be better.
I have taken the decision to publish my thoughts and journey of self-discovery in an effort to perhaps gain a greater understanding of myself and people like me. It's unfortunate but I don't believe that any of us who suffer from such disorders can ever get rid of them, rather, the best I think we can hope for is to be able to manage and live with them in a way that minimilises the impact that they have on our lives. Ultimately this means that we will probably never eat 'normally' but this is the only way that we can feel ok, that we feel like we are in control of ourselves, that we are acceptable to ourselves and society in general. This does not necessarily mean we will become so thin so that we are unable to function but it does mean that we will probably be thinner than the average person.